Depression is and has always been real!
We all live in a pool of our own thoughts from time to time.
On some days, our thoughts can be our driving force and on some days, our thoughts can be train wrecking.
Best believe the word depression is not a new word to most of you as it is seemingly becoming a more openly discussed topic. Despite that, a small detailing on the condition/word/term will still be given for those that might not have a thorough idea on it.
Well, Depression doesn't have a general meaning but It is not a feeling, it rather is a serious mental illness that affects how one feels, thinks & acts. It is not supposed to be confused with sadness as that it a temporarily feeling that doesn’t necessarily affect behavioral patterns unless one lets it to. Now back to Depression…
Generally, depression does not result from a single event or one shortcoming but it slowly develops from a mix of events and factors. These factors might sometimes seem unclear and senseless but they still get to do the damage over time.
Thoughtfully speaking;
Depression isn’t real when something happens to someone close to us/someone we knew.
It isn’t real when we are the ones going through/have gone through it and it also doesn’t become real when it becomes a major headline.
This is so because Depression has always been real & a serious illness from the start of time and has never taken a break to become unreal for a moment.
My statement comes in as many of us seem to neglect the existence of Depression thus generating a lot of stigma around Depression as an illness and a topic and in turn making it only acknowledged when dark clouds gather. It is therefore very important to always keep in mind of this illness and also keep in mind that a third of a quarter of the people we know and think are fine might be struggling with it but fail to share with others about it due to the generated stigma and other contributing factors.
As much as it is always advised for one to speak up when going through mental health issues as a way of trying to help the struggling being out, it is never as easy as it seems since Depression can also stimulate Anxiety which as a result pulls one further from people depending on the type of anxiety and in turn, one engages in less conversation with their surrounding which makes speaking off the mind the least thing one can think of conversing. Non the less, it might also be relieving to others letting their voice heard and getting a shoulder to lean on. That analogy should at least give you an idea of how vast and unfamiliar depression is.
Unfamiliar in the sense that it does not have a distinct face as one(true for 3/4 of people around us)might act and seem very okay and jovial on the outside but intensely dying on the inside and at the same time, another person who clearly seems to be down and their living patterns can tell a story. Non the less, both beings are equally effected by mentally and are both fighting hard to exit the loop of depression.
Yes, Depression is a loop of mixed emotions all at once without warning on when they will flood and that is why it is not supposed to be confused with sadness. One might feel and think they are fine for a moment then the next minute they are unconsciously breaking down. It all happens at once and it is not something that can easily be explained and put in simple words.
Back to the the case of opening up. As much as one might find the courage to open up and seek help, it doesn’t mean that the whole wave of feelings automatically vanishes. No, it doesn’t but it at least gives the depressed soul room to refresh and a little sense of security and belonging.
But it also doesn’t end there, as much as we keep talking about feelings, these mixed feelings also do affect and take over the mental control unit.
This is actually the part you should all really focus on and strive to understand.
Depression does/can control people. This is true in the sense that one is stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and basically lives in an unconscious state whilst at the same time having their conscious state wanting to grasp some air and operate normally, stay joyful and gather with family and friends. In this case, the pool of negative thoughts keeps throwing in all sorts of unnecessary and inappropriate decisions of which are directly acted upon as they have little or no time to be processed in the conscious state of mind. This is where Depression becomes Dangerous and it is something most people don’t talk about and leads to a lot of back talk.
Speaking of back-talking, Most often do we find ourselves in tricky situations whereby we end up writing off an agenda/event quickly based on how best modern day human beings look at things without actually spending time to analyze the whole situation at hand. Sadly, this is more reflected on Depression related events.
First off, we have the general negative remarks towards those who act out of line, attempted suicide and even those that did commit suicide. The comments after such tragic events are all filled with mixed emotions and delivered from different point of views but sadly by the end of the day, the negative remarks are always dominating. We have comments like, “Why were they acting out as if they were the first to experience Depression?!”, “Mpaka kufika pozimangilira” (Venecular), “Couldn’t they at least find someone to talk to?!”, and so on and so forth. There was once a time in Malawi where the “Vama Love” (Love based) phrase literally related to each and every tragic event and its it’s interpretation was that most of the depression aroused events like attempted suicide were because of such. This wasn’t necessarily true as well as it was not necessarily wrong but the whole presentation of the matter was wrongly addressed and wrongly referenced as it belittled depression based off relationships by the end of the day.
Sadly enough, some of the comments we give come from our unconscious state of mind and are given off as a reflex due to how the topics have been perceived all along. This lands most of us writing off the tragic situations with silly comments to then later on realize that was absolutely wrong. It is Human, but that doesn’t mean a mindset change cannot be made to prevent that from happening. As stated, Depression can control people, so if someone reaches the point of attempting/committing suicide, it is not always best to write them off as they are literally driven by raw unprocessed thoughts. Likewise, just because someone has opened up, doesn’t mean they are free from the illness and just because you were there for someone suffering doesn’t mean that they automatically regain full control of their mind because they might still end up committing suicide and performing out of line and leave you raising question marks on why they did so when you tried your best to be there for them. People really do just get TIRED and completely lose control of their own mental station. Please understand this and work towards creating a depression stigma free environment to at least let people utilize their conscious state of mind more and get the help they truly need because they are never truly helped if communication always goes to their unconscious state of mind, basically operates like a tunnel.
Secondly, illnesses are often interrelated with prayer life. As much as the depth of the statement; “Simumapemphera” (You don’t pray/You are not praying) might be true, it is not correct using such statements when addressing someone’s illness, Depression in this case. It is both not a solution and at the same time also not a calming statement. It only worsens matters.
Long Story short, let us all work towards abolishing back talk and start looking at these events analytically without judgement. We can’t escape our thoughts without each other and we can entrust others with load when they are in a judgmental environment.
To those dealing with Mental Health issues;
- Be gentle with yourselves even at your lowest times, a wave might last ages but it still does come to an end.
- As much as it is advised to open up and talk to people, don’t let the act give you more mental health issues than ease the already available load. For those that struggle with opening up, thanks to the internet, you can lookup online therapy services which will give you a chance to air out and not live you in fear of judgement or bother as you will probably talk to people you don’t know and likely won’t meet unless you wish to. You can also try investing your time in pages that seem to be good for your mental health as nearly anything can be a trigger.
- Never the less, For those feel safer and stable when airing themselves out, go ahead and find a listener if it boosts your Mental Health and pulls you out of a dark place.
- Use notepads/journals more often, just scribble something down, Be it raw thoughts, to-do lists, highlights of the day, or just general gratitude. This can be done at any time you are overwhelmed or relaxed. It really does help going back to what was written and seeing how good or bad your mental health is getting. It keeps one in track of life.
- Find and recall something that keeps you relaxed, be it a favorite spot to sit and think, or even a simple walk and try doing that on a daily basis or whenever you can.
To those looking after those struggling and to those not playing a role;
- Be a a good listener. Not everyone can have solutions to another person’s outcry, but as long as they feel safe and welcome talking to you, its is a problem half solved.
- Try your best not to be judgmental, Mental Health related issues have roots deeper than we think. You can get to understanding the person more and the factors that got them to their current state instead.
- Understand that it is no one’s choice to be in the state they are in and they trying their best to to see the end of the tunnel. You can as well as be/pave a way to the other end.
- People dealing with Mental Health issues still have emotions in them which they might fail to express. Just because they don’t doesn’t mean they don’t care anymore. They are just in a dark position. Give people space and time.
- Never joke on Mental Health related issues with anyone, always take them seriously. The other might smile and laugh with you but you will never get to see how much pain you inflicted in them.
- Do not start acknowledging Mental Health related issues when it happens to you or a close one. Start now!
In a nutshell;
Depression doesn’t have a distinct face.
Depression is a mental illness not a feeling!
Back-talking does not help anyone by the end of the day.
Mental Health related issues are not to be taken jokingly.
Just because you can easily handle it, doesn't mean others can too!
Anyone one can be a Mental Health advocate & it isn’t too late to be one.
Yours Truly,
Wonderful Shammah Kaitane
skaitane@gmail.com
